Fighting with the Cellophane

There is one thing that drives me crazy in the kitchen - cellophane. It makes me feel like an incompotent two year old each time I bring out the tube and rip off a piece. I try to make it stick over a glass dish of leftovers that I'd like to have for lunch the next day, but it ends up on a ball on the counter. I try to use it on certain dishes I have, and the stuff won't stick to anything (internal shout - 'what's the point of this stupid plastic wrap if it sticks to what I don't want it to, and it doesn't stick to my dishes?!??!!') Between the ripping and the sticking, I totally botch it up somehow. PLUS - the whole thing just feels messy, clingy, and takes a lot more effort to accomplish than what I wanted to give. (Right about this point is when I'd toss it and grab tupperware.)

The struggle to be a transparent person feels just the same. I remember growing up in church and feeling like I was in a room full of barbie and ken dolls - everyone wanted to be seen as the happy, prosperous person. No one dared express pain or hardship. Instead they just quoted a skewed, uber-christian, church-fabricated statement about faith and quickly changed the conversation. Somewhere along the line I developed the belief that we as Christians are supposed to rise above everything, not at all affected by situations and circumstances - which is partly true, but I thought (based on the examples around me) that meant we had to put on the plastic smile, hold it together and bury our heads in the sand like ostriches... There was a truth that was perversed into something unnatural, unobtainable, and imprisoning. Over the past few years I feel like I've been in recovery from that very mindset. I know in my heart that I want to be real and open with those around me, willing to share my hurts, failures and challenges along with my joys, successes and dreams. I have that deep desire to really relate with someone, to know that I'm not alone.

So, on one hand I'm desperate for REAL connection with REAL people, who don't have it all together but who are walking through their journeys with God hand in hand. on the other hand, the idea of being transparent and authentic is pretty frightening because it means I have to take risks with the people around me, revealing my whole heart and risking judgement or rejection. It's hard to break out of this mold that I grew up in of striving to be the uber-christian.

Our small group was challenged tonight with a question... What can you do (relating to your faith) to increase your power and influence? I know what the answer to that is for me: more transparency. For me, being completely transparent is an opportunity to bring people along on my journey with me. They're mentors, observers, fellow pilgrims, and passersby. By truly opening up, God can work in and through me exponentially more than if I had a plastic mask on... It really offers a freedom that I cannot describe, a heavy burden lifted. AND - as a bonus (because God is so cool this way), there's also an opportunity that God can reach other people through me sharing my journey!

The trick is - not to get frustrated or give up on the transparency process just because it's getting a little messy, clingy, and requiring a lot more energy than I had wanted to give... Sound familiar?