Going to Ground Zero.

Ground Zero.

When Pastor Mike started the discussions about this teaching series, I have to admit – I was excited and kind of terrified, too… It sounded so cool; it seemed like such an important thing for us to delve into as a church right now, especially with our focus on becoming a healing, equipping, sending place… but for me personally it also sounded terrifying, dangerous, and messy.

I didn’t want to admit it right then (and even now I still don’t want to), but we ALL have Ground Zeros in our life, don’t we? We all have moments and places in our past where something happened and we were never the same. Someone close hurt you. You experienced rejection or judgment. A person that you looked up to disappointed you or caused you shame and pain… You experienced tragedy or loss. And as silly as it might seem to think that something so long ago can still have such an impact on us today, we’d be fools to believe that we walked away unscathed. I know for me, I’m still learning the depth of the wall that I’ve built around myself to try and protect me from pain and hurt because of experiences in my past. And the craziest part to me is that for the longest time, I didn’t even realize the wall was there.

It’s only been just recently that I’ve even had the courage to ask God to show me those walls that I’ve put up in myself… those hurts that I’ve tried so hard to just forget… I want to find healing, and I’m learning that healing starts at Ground Zero, where it all began. My only comfort in taking such risky steps into the ‘unknown’ is that God promises healing WILL come if we can go through this journey with Him. He promises to bring me through. He’s gentle and caring, and he knows me enough to know what my limits are right now and not to exceed them. He also loves me enough not to push me to my limits all the time – sometimes He even allows me to stop and rest in a place of comfort even though I’m not ‘moving forward’… God is THAT in tune with the condition of my heart and emotions, and He loves me so much. He’s extremely patient with me and He’s in it for the long haul.

There’s one scripture that I’ve found especially comforting as I’ve thought about what going to Ground Zero will be like with God… Isaiah describes God this way:

“The Sovereign Lord tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently leads those that have young.” - Isaiah 40:11

Through this journey of going to Ground Zero, it might not always be comfortable, but I can find comfort in God’s arms. I can find rest being close to His heart. I can trust his gentle leading as he brings me closer and closer to where Healing can be found.

I pray that as we worship God this week (and through the rest of this series) that we’d find comfort in the arms of our Shepherd. That we would not fight against Him as he brings us through and carries us to Healing, but instead find rest close to His heart. Man, He loves us so much.

Love you guys - Let’s go to Ground Zero together.

- Rebecca

All I want is PEACE.

The past few weeks I've felt God stretching and working out more junk from within me than in a long time... He's shining a light into the deep corners of my heart and showing me stuff that isn't very pretty. :( I'm so selfish. I believed that my motives were 100% pure, but he's showing me how much of a self-preserver and self-lover I really am. Where I would tell myself that I was being a peacemaker in trying to resolve a conflict, God is gently showing me that part of my motive in wanting peace is a deep desire to be liked by everyone...

How do I move away from that?!?!? I'm seeing how crippled I can be at times with wanting to be in good standing with everyone... I can tell my mind that it's just not logical, not possible to be liked by everyone all the time (and believing that I'm just THAT likable is more of a battle with ego, don't you think?). I mean, who am I?!? What makes me so much more special that I could be loved by all and not have to encounter rejection, heartache, and judgement from other people? That's just not reality, even if I'm living the life that Christ wants for me.

I know that God blesses a peacemaker - I'm just starting to understand that "peacemaker" is all about heart and focus, and not as much about the action itself of keeping the peace. I believe a true peacemaker has a motive of wanting to express the love of Jesus to those around him/her, with NO TWINGE of a motive of self preservation mixed in there(like me).

Lord, help me work through this. Help me to learn in my heart what a Godly peacemaker really is. Help me not to place so much of my self value in how accepted I am by other people. Help me Lord to trust you with my every moment, to only go where You want me to go... To only say what You want me to say... and to become the type of PEACEMAKER that you desire for me to be - a peacemaker that doesn't promote peace to benefit myself in the eyes of other people.

Amen.